How Hunts Go HORRIBLY Wrong
by The Puppy Schwag
Summary: Warning; This is a drabble series. Follow Mercury, Venus, and Neptune on their own little messed up adventures, ranging from strange monsters to... almost anything! Will accept OCs, and I own nothing but Neppy, Mercury, and Venus. M for a reason.


Hey, all, it's Mercury! Recently, I got bored, so I decided to write up a drabble for no reason at all.

Seriously. This was only because I didn't have anything to do.

Anyway, meet the new hunters. Cheers!

~Mercury

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><p>The tavern of Aurea Civitas was abuzz with activity, from hunters of prowess to the greenest hunters of the large city hidden amongst the mountains. The Guild's business was in full bloom at the moment, since just about every single monster they recorded and studied was in season for sure... and hunters from everywhere were coming into the city, and into that tavern, just to get a shot at any of the contracts.<p>

Though three local hunters were more concerned with enjoying themselves than they were their job.

One was fucking around by flirting with just about any man she saw...

The second was busy looking as though she was drop dead drunk... which she was...

The third was merely providing the musical entertainment with a band that had decided to drop in, and they were making a killing just off of the money tossed onto the stage. If they were anything, they were probably the laziest and least concerned hunters of the city.

Naturally, people loved them.

"Veeennnuuusss!" The second, drunk huntress whined at her friend, who was, of course, busy flirting up a hunter with an oversized sword on his back. "Tell Mercury to stop getting hit by all of those shiny things!"

"Can it, Neptune. You need to sober up already." Her friend replied curtly, shooting her an evil glare before turning back to the hunter. "So..."

"Who's your friend? Is she drunk?"

"Yeah, and sh-" In a split second, her most recent target was next to Neptune, in a completely blatant attempt to get into her pants.

Seriously, she could tell. _That flipping son of a Barioth... Always go for the drunk one... That only leaves Mercury now, and I don't even like the bastard! _Venus let out a heavy sigh and didn't even attempt to gain the hunter's attention again; he'd get a kick to the Khezu from Nep soon enough anyway. She turned her head to look at the third hunter mentioned, now stepping off of the stage to heavy applause. _Hmph. He gets the attention just 'cause he's a good singer... I'm good, too, jeez. _Venus caught the hunter's eye with a wag of the finger, then an evil look that she had been using for the time she had known him. She knew he knew exactly what it meant, too.

_Get the fuck over here. _

Of course, he took his sweet damn time just to piss her off, signing a few objects shoved in front of his face thanks to screaming huntresses, and was next to her within ten... maybe fifteen minutes. "Yeah, Venus? Run outa guys to flirt with or something?"

"Yes, asshole." Venus growled threateningly at his remark, flashing teeth. "I lost the last one to Neptune and her usual state of intoxication."

"Figures. Wonder how turned off he'd be if he heard you right now." The hunter mused, much to her annoyance and displeasure.

"Oh, shut the straight fuck up, Mercury. Your name sounds like a girl's."

"Your name rhymes with something you have instead of what you should have down there." He shot back, making her scream in absolute irritation- but, to him, defeat. "Thought so. Anyway, should I go straighten Nep out or something?"

"Yeah." Venus nodded, her temper down for the moment as they both looked over at their friend... who was currently standing over the prone form a hunter that received one of her trademark kicks to the Khezu.

As expected.

"... and you don't even touch me there, Mercury!" Neptune finished yelling at the hunter, who was already out cold, and stumbled over to the other two with a random smile on her face. "Oh... Haaiii, Mercury! Did you know you have a doppleganger? He has the same armor and ev... ry..." She started to sway on the spot, leaning forward on Mercury and his exposed torso for support. "... Mmh..."

"... Hey, Mercury. I just thought of something." Venus smirked lightly as she noted Mercury's sudden blush. "It's a question, if you don't mind."

"... Uh, sure. Ask away."

"You wear that Khezu gunner armor all the time around me and Neppy... and it always exposes that physique of yours." She mumbled as she leaned in closer to his face, watching in amusement as his own blush deepened. "... Do you want us to feel you up?"

"Yeah, Venny has a good point." Neptune looked up at him from his chest. "It's always like you want us to look or something..."

"W-what? No, no, no, I'm not trying to tease y-" Venus silenced him with a firm finger over the lips.

"No, no, no... You've been teasing us for years, Mercury. We want a nice, long feel..."

"Yeah, you're so warm." Neptune chirped up from his chest as she nuzzled into it. "I wanna feel more than just this warmth!"

"Neptune, you're drunk! Don't say that..." Mercury managed to say past the finger closing his mouth shut, his face a nice shade of crimson.

"But she said what we were both thinking." Venus stated plainly, suddenly finding a new way to enjoy herself on a Saturday. "I could never help myself from staring at you... Why not return that feeling?"

"Yeah, return it!" Neptune echoed, moving up his chest and nuzzling into his neck.

"Y-you two wear Barioth and Kirin!" Mercury blurted out, pointing to Neptune and Venus respectively. "You could very well be teasing me!"

"... You know what? You have a point there." Venus muttered, giving Mercury enough time to let out a hopeful sigh of relief. "... We should probably stop teasing and get to the right stuff, shouldn't we, Neppy?"

"Yeah!" Neptune chirped up, moving out of his neck to stare directly into his eyes. "We should! He should, too."

"He should... So, Mercury, gonna give up o-" Venus was cut off as an official looking Guild contract was shoved right in front of her face by the Guild rep behind the counter they were near.

"You all look energetic, so go take care of this." Venus growled and took the paper from the rep

s hands, reading it aloud. It was something about a Nargacuga being stupid in the forest, and the Guild wanted it for study, blah blah fucking blah. Same old kind of capture contract. "You can't decline, either, so get ready to go."

"... Fuck." Venus spat randomly, walking towards the armory with her shoulders squared in anger that spawned from her new game being cut short. Neptune was right behind her, shouting the most incredibly random things in her drunken stupor.

Mercury, meanwhile, looked at the smiling Guild rep in surprise. "... I-"

"No need to thank me. I don't like how Venus flirts with anyone and everyone, and I didn't want someone she never fucked around with to become a victim." The Guild rep explained. "I'm only doing what I think is right."

"... No, I-"

"Oh, please, don't go and say it." The rep waved the unasked question away abruptly. "There are too many people here, and all. Though I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with a hunter like you, I-"

"... No, I meant to ask where the male armory is." Mercury cut her off. "I left my gun in there."

"... Down the hall, door on the left." The rep muttered weakly, completely embarrassed at her sudden tangent about one of her many, many fantasies. _I don't even know his name, though, so I shouldn't even be thinking about that... _

"Thanks. See ya around... eh... August, right?" August stared after the hunter in amazement.

"H-how do you know my name? D-do you-"

"You have a tag on your collar." Mercury pointed out before entering the hallway to the male armory, leaving an embarrassed August behind him.

_… I really need to stop reading those romance novels. I'm getting way too ahead of myself..._

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><p>Congrats, Merc, you have a stalker.<p>

Merc: Shut up, I'm not paid enough to be mentally violated by Venus. I want a raise.

Go fuck yourself. Anyway, read and review for me! Love y'all for 'em! ^.~ this is my first ever drabble, too. ^.^


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